ai shite'ru

So I haven't written in here for a while, like an actual entry about my thoughts on irrelevant stuff.

Here goes.

I'm not sure if I spelt 'irrelevant' correctly.

I was looking at pictures of an old friends on her myspace and thinking about how much I missed her. I say old friend cuz we haven't talked in a quite some time and I wonder if we can really call each other friends anymore. That seems to happen a lot to people I'm friends with.

Work. At the moment, I'm working 3 different jobs. That's not to say, however, that I work a whole lot. It seems that I work whenever I feel like it, though I can't really afford to do that and it's not out of good work ethics that I get this opportunity.

Personal? I'm really tired of life. I feel like I've done nothing and gone nowhere with it. I've been sick for the past week and a half. It really really really sucks. Sometimes I really just want to be left alone so I can find that place where I'm happy just being. It's funny because all the good men in my life tell me "You need to get your ass to culinary school". If only it were that simple. Fear is a large playing role.

School? School... I don't know what the hell I'm doing, to put it simply. I need to just pick one thing and go in that direction. I need to just stay on track but I always think, what if. Like, what if that's not for me and I could do better or be happier with something else. Or what if I fail and have to start all over. My will would be so shot. I wouldn't even want to try for anything else. Like I said, trying and failing is worse than not trying at all.

My dad is finally talking to me about me moving out. It's just that now I have no money...

I once had a dream that I was in the desert, but almost an oasis. I was so content.

I know I'm going to fail...


And it really hurts to know that I'm too stupid to do anything about it.


It hurts even more to try and fail, moreso than not trying.

This is no time for a breakdown...

Can't tell you how much life sucks right now.

Like, a lot.

I'm broke, too.

Just wanna get this over with.

You make me want to stab you in the chest with a very long knife, that is, at the same time wide, and would be very painful as i forced the blade through you ribs, and possibly, sternum. Yes, that's right.  Right into your shadowy heart.

Dear Santa,

This year, for Christmas, I would like everyone to get along, stop being lazy, and go in the direction of self-improvement (such as improve their knowledge of things).  That's my grown up Christmas list because everyone else is acting like children. 


Post Script: Thank you for Michelle playing decent Christmas songs otherwise I might go crazy. w00t.

 I hate life and I quit school.

It's no good. What happened?



I haven't been awake at this time of night in a long while. I miss it. I know I won't tomorrow. My life is a little better, a little worse but I feel like at least I'm moving in a general direction. I miss certain things and how certain people loved me where they just don't really care anymore. I can't really blame them because time is something we just don't have. At least I have someone who loves me, who will do whatever is possible to help me out... I don't feel worth it. I don't feel like there's anything I can do to repay anything. I'm just bringing more hardships.


My life is a mess. I don't have time for anything. Just look at my room, my car, how sad charlie is. I miss him. Maybe I should make amber come over here so i can get some things done at least. I miss my charlie. I'm a bad mother. I'm gaining weight. Call it whatever but it's fat.  

I wish I could just offend people because they're just dumb. But I don't feel like I should because it's none of my business. I should just delete him but it's sort of fun to look at how stupid he is. That makes me a bad person. Ah well. I realize it's pointless to post or ramble about how idiotic i think this person is but when the gears start turning and all that...

He'd probably be too dumb to realize what I'm saying to him. So I guess it'd be pointless in the end. The only person that's right is yourself and all. Suck.

But it's a fact that management works best when all employees are professional and get along with each other. It has nothing to do with what you say on your own time even though you feel a certain way ALL the time. Make any sense?

OMGSTFUkthnx.

 

Even though I know you won't. Why is it that some people never learn? Why is it that some people think 'this is a good thing so it MUST belong to me' and 'if I don't get what I want then there must be something wrong with everyone else'. Like, some people think that just because they want it reallyreallybad... that they deserve it. What's up with that?

You aren't special and I doubt even your mother wouldn't lie to you about this
Only because she doesn't want you to make a damn fool.
Too late.

It's just fucking annoying. I wish people like that didn't exist. But the next stupid person that comes along with attach itself to the first stupid person and create more stupidity in this already withering world. ::sigh::

I'm mean. Maybe I shouldn't exist. But seriously. Things don't always go your way. Stop complaining about stupid shit like how many hours a week you get and promotion that was never there for you to begin with. They've already made that mistake once. ::cough cough:: crystal ::cough::

 

phytoplankton. I love phytoplankton... and sea-greens. They're the best.

And this is why.











*Disclaimer: I took these pictures off yahoo images. I don't know any of these people and totally didn't take any of these photos otherwise I'd be holding one of those sloths. weeeee!

I quit life.

"So... what do you wanna do tonight?"


"Fuck."


...



"What do you wanna eat for dinner?"

"You."

"Haha. So what do you wanna eat?"

"You."



...


My feet hurts. My heart hurts. My life hurts. whatwhat! I'm hungry and I love you. "You don't know what love is until you see her standing there..." 

"Ne me quitter pas, mon chere. Ne me quitter pas."


I love that it's 3am. Wheeeee!! GooNigh...

Is it really love when you can't even make them smile?




isn't this all contradictory? ---> emohomofobo.

"I don't even know you.
You won't even know I'm gone.


Was it something I did wrong..."

What I THOUGHT the lyrics were:


I love myself. I want you to love me.
When i feel down I want you above me.
I touch myself. I want you to fuck me
Forget myself, want you to remind me.


Actual Lyrics:



I love myself. I want you to love me.
When i feel down I want you above me.
I search myself. I want you to find me
I forget myself, Iwant you to remind me.





It's a dirty song but I just make it dirtier in my head... ^-^

Long time no see.

Don't you know it was all your fault?

You're so fucking EMO. STFU! I stopped caring when I realized that no body can satisfy you. People care but not when they're caring means nothing.  A-hole.


"If you would just let love"



New quote:


"Love is never in excess. If so, it is not love at all."




Please remember. Love is never in excess. Just remember that and regret that you felt smothered. Then know that love was something you never felt.

I wish you would change your livejournal bio to something you actually mean.

hey! hey! guess what! You'll never be able to guess!






hehehehe



no, i'm not going to tell.




GOOOOOOOOBERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MMMIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSS!!!